This week, Bastienne, blog editor Parents-Children Connected invites us to discover 9 styles of parenting in the light of a personality exploration tool: the Enneagram,
We are unique beings because we have a own identity, revealed by our HLA (Human Leucocyte Antigen) which is in a way our cellular identity.
As for our personality, she comes reveal the unique aspect of our identity.
Personality is the sum of our history, our emotional fabric, our differences and our behaviors.. It is important to know that it evolves according to our experiences, our encounters and our needs because we are not fixed beings.
Even though we have a unique way of expressing our personality, we can bring to light 9 major major personality types thanks to the Enneagram.
What is the Enneagram?
The Enneagram is a personality study tool. It falls into the category of transpersonal psychology, which admits the existence of the soul.
It is as if our soul had chosen to experience who it is with a certain point of view (1 of the 9), because the temporality and the limits of the human body did not allow it to experience everything.
Each person has developed a fear specific to their type, following a injury lived in childhood. This injury resulted inavoidance of it happening again as well as a very specific vision of the world. Thus, as soon as the person reacts, it is his type that activates. It’s a unconscious and compulsive mechanism (that we can not help).
Obviously, putting consciousness on this mechanism makes it possible to reduce the reactions. We evolve into our type, with a more or less marked personality.
Finally, the enneagram does not serve not to lock us in a box, but rather to shed light on the box in which we are already.
What the Enneagram can do for you
Accept and love each other
The Enneagram, through a deep knowledge of ourselves, is first there to strengthen acceptance of our operations, our “flaws” and overreactions. It also sheds some light on our “qualities” and what we already like about us.
It’s a tool for judging yourself less, for simply love each other more
More empathy and tolerance
Knowing your type also helps you realize and then accept that most other people operate differently from us. This brings more tolerance, ofempathy and of lightness when everything seems to oppose us to each other.
Progress and gain in freedom
As we are more aware of our behavior, we can to modify, anticipate our reactions, give less importance to a recurring thought, to fears etc. It’s sort of a way of to liberate oneself patterns of thoughts and emotional reactions that no longer serve us.
Be a better parent
Finally, as a parent and future parent, the more aware we are of how we function, the more we can modulate our excess reactions and modify our behavior.
We learn to anticipate difficulties and take care of them before the storm.
We can also recognize our differences, our respective strengths in our marital and parental couple, which leads to a greater cooperation between all members of the household.
It is possible to live internships. Many exist, it is up to you to see who speaks to you.
As a companion individually, I use it with the intention of self-knowledge and progression (and not to sell a service or product without the consent of the other person). It is possible to make an appointment on the blog.
Some currents use the enneagram to determine the type of their child.
The personality of a young person being under construction at least until after adolescence, this vision seems to me to be ill-suited. In addition, in a world that tends to label children more and more, I prefer not to add more to them and view the Enneagram from the angle of approach of adults.
9 styles of parenting in light of the Enneagram
Thanks to the Enneagram, the Non-violent communication and the Practice in Epigenetics Noguès Method, I developed a reading grid to identify the main difficulties corresponding to each type of personality, in their parenthood.
The interest is to target his recurrent vision of the world, the reactions that accompany it and how all this rubs off on the relationship with children.
Being a parent asks us to mobilize resources that we sometimes do not have but that we can develop.
Thanks to the brain plasticity (the ability of our brain to reshape the connections between its neurons, it creates and removes some) we know today that we can learn all our life, and therefore progress.
Here is a qualification of parenting styles based on personality types, to simplify and summarize (although it is obvious that it is not so simplistic).
The first qualifier is the parent in its version “which leaves something to be desired”, the second is the parent in his best version of himself.
Type 1 The rigid parent // exemplary
Type 2 The parent mother hen // loving and free
Type 3 The parent automaton // authentic
Type 4 The unstable // temperate parent
Type 5 The remote parent // present
Type 6 The Distrustful // Daring Parent
Type 7 The immature // dynamic parent
Type 8 The controlling parent // guide
Type 9 The scattered parent // listening
I will illustrate by the example of my type, namely the 9.
Type 9 merges with the other, drowns in all things to do, struggles to know what he feels, his needs, to take care of himself, to set priorities and stick to them, to make choices, to get angry or even to be angry without causing damage … It is therefore in his interest to be his own pillar in order to be able to be so for his child, to learn to organize himself, to reconnect with his feelings, feel their anger before the explosion, express their needs and formulate requests etc.
The detailed content corresponding to each type can be found on my blog as a free download.
You will discover major parenting themes such aslove, the’attachment, the’authority, the care, the emotions (above all anger and fear).
There are also information on fears that can hold back the desire to be a parent.
The basic premise is that by working on us, our gray areas, our emotions, it improves the relationship with our children as well as their physical and emotional symptoms of all kinds, because the child is in resonance with the emotional of his attachment figure.
The parenting style with the Enneagram reading grid is one gateway among others to access your inner being and improve the relationship with your children.
So I wish you a nice exploration of yourself!