Were you able to apply the principle of the milk on the fire in the face of the “excessive” behavior of your children?
If you don’t see what we’re talking about, we invite you to read our previous article: “A pot of milk… to understand your child’s ‘overflowing’ behavior”
If you’re reading our blog, you’re probably looking for advice.
Then you are in the wrong place.
We do not publish these articles to give you umpteenths parenting advice !
Because it does not work.
In any case, not until you have a deep understanding of what is really going on in the conflicts or situations that trouble you.
Let’s take an example.
You’ve probably heard the advice to “state requests in a positive way”.
That’s not bad advice, really.
You can replace “stop hitting your brother” with “be gentler with your brother”.
The problem ?
It’s that you’re addressing the behavior.
And not to the cause behavior.
You fit the lid on the pot of milk.
But you don’t reduce the gas.
And “reducing the gas” is what we are trying to do in Positive Parenting.
Because the important thing is not so much to succeed in “making him understand” don’t hit your brother.
It’s from understand why your child needs to hit his brother.
Positive wording is important.
But only when it is integrated into a global understanding of situations.
To be able to act on the causes not on behavior.
Parenting advice… it only works on the surface!
The “hints and tips” can help you on the surface.
But not in depth.
Isabelle Filliozat has often told us thatshe doesn’t give advice :
“If I give advice…it means that I consider myself superior.
And that means it’s me, Isabelle, who’s smart and you, who aren’t good.
What if you don’t follow the advice? You will feel guilty (and it is not good!).
So I do NOT give advice.
I give information!
I explain how things work, and I provide ideas.
It is then up to you, parents, to find your own way of doing things, to decide from you. »
Let’s go back to our example.
Why does your child need to smack his brother?
Here is the right information you need to understand:
- He may need some attention, from you or his sibling.
- He may need to protect his territory (his room, his belongings).
- He may need to express his difference in temperament.
- He may be longing for his brother’s toy, and not expressing it in the right way.
- He may also need to unload some tension from his day.
You have here five avenues to explore in the next conflict between your children.
Our role as a “positive” parent, who “turns off the gas”, is to try to fill this need.
Already, by learning to identify it.
Then, by helping your child to express it, so that it becomes automatic for him.
This is not obvious.
But it is learned.
A week to stock up on Positive Parenting tools… and bring calm and serenity home!
As promised, we will soon publish an article about the 7 main causes of excessive behavior in children.
But until then, we wanted to invite you once again to participate in the ” Week for more serenity in Family » that we lead with Isabelle Filliozat and her team since Monday.
We have already published 3 videos, each presenting a Positive Parenting tool that has had a great impact on us and our children.
3 new videos will be published by the end of this week as well as the “replay” of Isabelle Filliozat’s live.
But beware : all the content published this week will soon be removed from the internet to be integrated into the support program that we have created with Isabelle… so don’t wait too long!
We’ll see you there…