Learning to be with yourself is essential. People get on and off our train, sometimes scandalously and sometimes so subtly that we don’t even feel them leaving. But there is only someone who knows you well and who should never betray you: yourself.
It is of great importance that you, that individual who will spend the rest of his life with you, like you. May you enjoy his company and find comfort in his words. It is very hard to be tied to someone in a bad mood, who insists on treating you badly and makes you feel inadequate at all times. It is like being attached to a shadow that cannot disappear even in the middle of the night, or in the privacy of your bedroom.
It is not the same to say: “I’m going to have dinner alone” (because we love to use the diminutive to minimize what we think is negative about a concept or situation!) Than “I’m going to have dinner (or celebrate) with myself”. Isn’t it sad to put it like this? And it is that it is not a contemptuous attitude in which you believe that you alone can against the world. True self-esteem is expressed in the following way: “I can do everything, but I cannot alone.”
We shouldn’t view being without someone else’s company as terrible, whether for some time or permanently. The truth is that you cannot always have a partner, and the important thing is not to need one. If he is with you, welcome and may he add experiences to your life and help make it easier! That’s what it’s all about, being a good couple. But if it doesn’t exist, it isn’t the end of the world either. You have you, and to guide that solid and lasting relationship with yourself, here are four super-simple steps. At first they will cost you work; Remember that the habit is strong and perhaps you are used to not paying too much attention. But little by little you will feel more comfortable with yourself, and these exercises will flow naturally.
1. Good morning, beautiful!
Start with the basics: say hi. That’s the first thing our parents taught us. To be polite, to say good morning. And yet, as soon as we woke up, we looked at ourselves in the mirror and started the frontal attack: What a face! What dark circles! Not a greeting, not the slightest courtesy. If we change this simple habit, things will undoubtedly start to go better between us.
2. Watch your words
Language creates your reality. Build or destroy your self esteem. Calling ourselves ‘dumb’, ‘fat’ or ‘fat’ all day does not help develop a healthy self-concept. Watch your language, analyze what words you choose to refer to yourself and, above all, take care of the intonation and feeling that you put in each one of them.
3. Recognize at least one thing well done a day
Are you always criticizing yourself? We do a lot of good things all the time; However, if one goes wrong, we jump into our jugular and recriminate ourselves for hours. Applaud yourself an achievement, a look, a comment! Don’t try to get others to tell you what your house is made of: you know it very well. Those times when the woman asked the man before leaving: “Do I look good?”, They are already, goodbye. Today we have to be ourselves that voice that is heard louder than all, to know and tell us how good we look.
4. Go out for coffee, lunch or the movies alone
When we can resume a social life and go to restaurants and shows, I ask you to try, for once, to go alone. Go to dinner at a place you love and ask for a table for one. Go to the movies and choose the movie you want, and don’t share the popcorn with anyone. Have a quiet coffee without hiding behind your cell phone or computer. Don’t feel like people are judging you.
Pity does not come from outsiders: it emanates from oneself, from what we think others say or think about us. The truth is that society has made us believe that life is a party to be enjoyed as a couple. That’s why they give you two tickets to a wedding and there are double rooms or those big tables in restaurants. It is inconceivable for some that someone loves their loneliness, being with themselves and feeling good without company.
Moments as hard as the Covid-19 pandemic, or the loss of a loved one, confront us with realities that we do not want to accept. We are born alone, although there, in the hospital room, your parents have been, no one went through the birth canal with you; we get sick alone even though there are a lot of family members looking after us or waiting outside the room, and we die alone, whether or not we have someone holding our hands. And in us there is what is necessary to make the experience worthwhile.
We are enough ourselves; we are enough to be happy without needing others. It is beautiful to choose the company of someone and enjoy moments of joy as a couple, but the idea of being with ourselves should never threaten us, see us head on and be able to say: “I love you, how well I like you!”
As a last recommendation, I suggest you read Convince me to live (Ed. Diana) for you to thoroughly review this topic and think if, like Barbara, the 81-year-old protagonist of this novel, you would be able to take a three-week cruise on the Atlantic, with no one for company but her. person who is inhabiting your skin. A trip that you are going to enjoy very much.
By: Gaby Pérez Islas, graduate in Latin American Literature, teacher in Thanatology with specialties in Codependency and Family, as well as author of the bestseller How to heal a broken heart and Convénceme de vivre. @gabytanatologa